Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
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