i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
