Where is the hickey?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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