For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
