I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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