You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
