I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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