i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
