did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
