arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize