after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
