My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
