When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
