I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
