a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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