All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
