oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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