I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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