wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
