i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
