I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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