Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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