I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I think your dad took our porno
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
