This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
