I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
