i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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