it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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