my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
MIDGETS
????
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
