i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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