i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
