Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
