Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
