"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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