I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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