Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
jump out the window naked night went bad
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
