I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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