That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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