I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
