Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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