Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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