he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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