Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
