Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
