The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
