My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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