I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
