I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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