I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
