don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
