What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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